Dear Dad My Angel

Friday August 13, 1930 -  6:45am Wednesday 16th May 2012


Dear Dad I love you
Dear Dad, you make me proud.
Dear Dad, these thoughts are written on my soul
But rarely said out loud. 

Dear Dad my angel
Dear Dad my shining star
Dear Dad my guiding light 
Shine on me now from afar.

A terribly sad day but freedom for him, my lovely Dad.

 © 2012 S Evans All Rights Reserved

Manuel's Prayer

I cry a little every day

Watching, cell by cell, as you wither away

Say bye to bye to you every day

Watching, pixel by pixel, as you turn to grey

And I walk the lonely corridor

That inches, foot by foot to your door

Head hung, silently speaking to the floor

That slips, step by step beneath me once more

Pushing the sprung glass screens aside

I ring the bell, turn the key and walk inside

And I see your pain

It needs no wise men now to explain

Who did you talk to today?

I ask, as I watch you turning slowly to grey

And with a long breathe I raise my spirit higher

Don't want to let you see my eyes on fire

I Smile like all the days before

My fear, outside, hunched down on the floor

It walks back along the corridor with me when I leave

And I let myself cry once more

 

But as long as I have the corridor

I still have you

As long as I have the pain

I still have things to do

To care and love, to criticise, and complain

To pull and push and redirect the same

I know the door will close at last

And you will rest in ages past

I know the day will surely come

I know thy will will be done

And I know the bell will toll

And God will claim his soul

I just wish there were gentler ways

I know nothing

I learn nothing

I hear nothing

Nothing’s nothing knocking at my door

Nothing ever stays.

 © 2012 S Evans All Rights Reserved

Time is merciless, although I will soon be needing its healing power, but these last few days I have walked along the corridor to an empty flat, just collecting this and that. And getting used to the fact that these will be amongst my final journeys there. It's clear now his days are limited and painful days too, clear to him no less that anyone. In a saner world this wouldn't be the way.

Dear Dad

Good morning blog. This is a further adventure in my feelings. I found this on the notebook thing on my iPhone. I don't really remember writing it or even when I wrote it. The clever iPhone tells me it was on March 1st 2012

I think I know why I did. I wanted something for him, something from my heart, something that I could let my Dad see. I wanted to tell him the easiest thing you should be able to tell someone whom you love dearly, that I loved him.

How stupid it is that that isn't as easy as it sounds. 

He also always jokes whenever we talk about the past that it's always my mother my stories feature, 'you had a father too you know' he'll say. I suppose that's because I still have a father and stories are all I have left of my mum. Anyway this one is for him...


Dear Dad I love you
Dear Dad, you make me proud.
Dear Dad, these thoughts are written on my soul
But rarely said out loud.


Now I just have to let him see it :)

He went into the hospice on Tuesday, it was a bit sudden and a bit of a shock. But they are hoping to stabilise him and send him home still. He has been very low... in and out of sleep and with very little patience for almost anything when he is awake. I managed to leave it till then to pass this over to him. He put on his glasses, with a little help from me, and he spent a couple of minutes reading it... then he smiled.